Day 1, The wrong Marie

So the planning stages have been and gone,
The plan: 2 hapless idiots, 2 motorbikes and 2 countries.
France then Spain.

Its April and the weather hasn't been doing great, we plan to hit ST Malo France on the 3rd, ferry from Portsmouth on the 2nd.
It started out as expected: A most monumental hangover.
10 Pints in the ferry bar with Garry Glitter who proceeded to get his harmonica out and strike up some random tune, despite the fact it was 2 in the morning and we were due to be up and rolling at 8.
We persuaded Shaun (not the real Gary as he would have got a monumental kicking) to come to Spain next year on Stepthru's, which is more of an indication of how pissed we were rather than our forward planning ability.

Got his number, if I do ring, I can't wait to hear the excuse for that one.
Anyway, got to our recliners after I trampled French students on the floor and got practically frog marched to my real seat by security after causing a bit of a stir as the place smelt of old people and piss (I maybe said it a few times and a bit loud)
Good old Glenn rolled me away from the ape found our resting places for the evening and we both hit the floor and snored like our lives depended on it.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Not big or clever, but got off the boat sporting a breath that could have spontaneously combusted, or at least caught fire from a Gendarme's fag, we blagged our way through passport control and I ragged off on the wrong side of the road around a roundabout backwards. Shortly followed by a quick u turn in the middle of said roundabout and a bit of tooting from our snail eating neighbours.
What a knob

We did approx 300 miles in 8 hours (where the hell did we go?) and arrived at a place near ST Romans Melle near Niort, mid France.
Driving on the straightest most boring roads in the whole world through agricultural France.
Just as well we were still pissed really.

Not as planned, all the campsites were shut. Oh crap.
Just as we were parked up at the side of the road in a rural area eyeing up an old ransacked barn and woodland for a spot of stealth camping, a Peugeot estate skidded up right next to us. With English plates as luck would have it.
Out steps a woman who introduces herself as XXXXXXX
How does it feel when you think you've landed on your feet, only to have them swiftly swept away and knock your teeth out on the curb?
she tells us we will be lucky to find an open campsite, then buggers off.
So standing like two dipshits in a dipshit free zone, what do we do?
Nowt.
Sit there and go back to staring at the woodland.
10 minutes later a Peugeot estate comes skidding in.
With English plates as luck would have it.
Oh, she's back.

Brought some salt have you love?

Nope, she says we can stay on a bit of land that she owns, just down the road turn left at the doodah, right at the thing and down the road a bit, then turn right just past the Marie. (being a village hall)

Long Story Short........Glenn took to being Gold Leader bless him, and took us through the same 3 villages (4 or 5 houses in each) 15 or so times, infact we made so much noise hacking through these tiny rural places, I reckon they thought the Paris Dakar had re-routed.
1 hour later and 2 or 3 phone calls to her, we narrowed it all down and we were outside the Marie, and so was she.
She was no where to be seen.

We were at the wrong Marie.

If I told you that even though Glenn described the old school house with the green gates, turn left at the doodah etc, and she said yes to all this, that we were in completely different places, but they all described the same....would you ever believe me?

When we finally did find her after another 30 mins, she led us to a fantastic bit of woodland with a river. Superb. But nowhere to hammock.

So pitching up the tarps to the deck we set about drinking cooking and eating.
Glenn pitching literally TO THE DECK
maybe needs more practice






He later revised his living conditions to more than 3 inches off the floor and we hit the sack.
Slept like logs, then woke up ready for the world!